Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
