We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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