she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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