how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
