Ambien. No doubt about it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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