2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
