i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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