Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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