He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
