I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
