I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
