we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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