Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
