so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
