I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
