remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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