I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
