It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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