YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
