I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
