Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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