This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
