I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
