I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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