your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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