Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
