Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
