i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
