Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
