WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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