Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
