wat bout pragnant strippers??
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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