he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
