happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
do herpes really smell.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
