ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need help removing her.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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