It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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