I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
