Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
