Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
