it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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