eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
