No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
