It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
