We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
