just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
