a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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