You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
