Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
