I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
