yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
