i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
