He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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