I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
